#WorthRevisiting

This was originally posted June 7,  2012

Just a Thought – The Finishing Touch

 By Janice Lane Palko

Did you know that marriage is good for you? There have been many studies conducted by social scientists and scholars on marriage, and it appears that being married helps you, your health, emotional and mental well-being, finances, your children and society.

The Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values, published some of its findings about marriage in a paper entitled Why Marriage Matters: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences. The institute is a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization of approximately 100 scholars from across the country and across the political spectrum. (So it’s not just a bunch of concerned moms who want their kids to get married!) Below are some of the findings:

1. Cohabitation is not the functional equivalent of marriage.

2. Marriage increases the likelihood that fathers and mother have good relationships with their children.

3. Married couples seem to build more wealth on average than singles or cohabitating couples.

4. Marriage is associated with better health and lower rates of injury, illness and disability for both men and women.

 5. Married mothers have lower rates of depression than do single or cohabitating mothers. (Those are just some of the findings. More can be found at their website: www.americanvalues.org/wmm3.)

I will be celebrating 30 years of marriage on August 28, and since I’ve racked up some big numbers on the marital scoreboard, it got me to thinking about marriage in general and mine in particular. Most scholars point to God’s creation of Eve in the Garden of Eden as the beginning of marriage, citing this Bible quote from Genesis: “’The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’"

Adam & Eve by Albrecht Durer

This passage of scripture has always been a bit puzzling to me. I can understand the “not being alone” part. Even if Adam had Dr. Dolittle skills, it would probably still get a bit boring just “chatting to the cheetahs” all the time. But I’ve often wondered why God thought Adam needed a helper? Setting aside the fact that he needed someone with whom to populate the earth, there really wasn’t much Adam needed help with. He didn’t have a house to clean, they weren’t wearing any clothes so there wasn’t any laundry, and as for cooking—we know they had apples.



 So what did God think Adam needed help with? Why did God think it was good for people to marry?

 I don’t purport to know the mind of God, but from my own experience here is what I think God intended when He sent Adam Eve. It’s what I call the “You’re full of it factor.”

 I had several bachelor uncles in my family whom I loved dearly, and who have since passed away. However, one of the things we noticed about them after years of their living alone and not having to answer to a spouse is that whatever they thought was gospel. When you live alone without a wife or husband to tell you, “You’re full of it,” you think that what you think is the absolute truth or the absolute best way to do things.

Dictators notoriously surround themselves with “yes men,” but that is not the case with a healthy marriage. When you are married, your inner “yes” man collides with your spousal cabinet adviser, who says things like. “How in the world did you ever think plaid shorts go with a striped shirt?” Or “No, the on-sale beer does not taste as good as Guinness.” Or “Do you really need another pair of shoes?”

There is a famous line in the movie Jerry Maguire where Tom Cruise tells Renee Zellweger, “You complete me.” As much as I like that line, I think marriage is more about “You finish me.”

If it weren’t for my husband, I’d be a lot less of a person. I wouldn’t know important things like Mel Kiper has a hairline like Eddie Munster, that Eric Clapton’s “Badge” was called that because George Harrison misread “bridge” on the sheet music and thought the title was “Badge,” that Bill Bowerman founded Nike running shoes by making the soles of his shoes on his wife’s waffle iron.

I suspect if it weren’t for me, I suspect my husband would still be wearing knee-high tube socks and cut-offs, would never know who Hugh Jackman is, and would have never heard of Jane Austin, seen Mama Mia or been to the opera. 

Hugh Jackman

When I was a kid, the Sears Christmas catalog always featured scientific gifts like chemistry sets, telescopes and rock tumblers, little machines in which you inserted dull stones and by the machine’s constant rotation and a little added grist, the rocks brushed up against each other, polishing each other’s surfaces.


 I think marriage is a rock tumbler. Two people who choose to spend their lives together jump into the rock tumbler that is life. And over years of brushing up against each other’s wills, egos, desires and personalities, you help to polish each other into the shining beautiful people God had in mind. Marriage has not completed us; it has provided the opportunity for us to put the finishing touches on each other’s souls.

Originally published in Northern Connection magazine 

I’m linking up with Reconciled to You and Theology is a Verb for #WorthRevisit Wednesday, a place where you can come and bring a past & treasured post to share, and link up with fellow bloggers!

Welcome to Pittsburgh!

Hi and thanks for dropping by on your Literary World Trip.

I live in and write about Pittsburgh.  If you can't come here in person, the next best way is to read about a place.  I love to read, and I've been all over the world too.  I hope you enjoy your stop here and will check out the other books I have written.  To the right, you will find more information about my other books.

Janice 

I've Been a Bad Girl

Hello!  Is there anybody out there?  You still there?

As I sit down to write this post, the old Hall & Oates song keeps playing in my head:

You're out of touch

I'm out of time!

I can't believe it's been a year since I've posted here. I've been out of touch with you because I was out of time--the time to blog.  Professionally and personally a lot went on during the past year, some of which was bad and required my time.  We'll leave that in the past where it belongs and focus on the good things that have happened since I was last in touch and the good things on the horizon (hint, hint -- a NEW BOOK!!!).

I continue to write for the website PopularPittsburgh.com, creating a lot of interesting content.  One of the things I love about writing for the site is that I'm always learning something new.  I recently did a piece on Andrew Carnegie--what a fascinating, complex man.  Like most people he was a mixture of good and bad.  I think the important thing when looking at anybody's character is what is the ratio of good to bad.  I hope when my character is weighed, the good tips the scale like an elephant on one side of a seesaw and my bad like a kitten on the other.  

Also, I've done some more articles for St. Anthony Messenger; one that was particularly timely focused on the Franciscans in the Holy Land who are charged with tending the holy sites there and with helping the remnant of Christians still living in Jerusalem. 

I've been to several book clubs and appeared at speaking engagements as well, and I was also a guest on the Cookspeak podcast hosted by Tom Totin.  This was my first live broadcast, and I was worried when he asked me to be on, wondering how we would fill the air time.  If you listen to the podcast, you will know that we could have gone on for hours, and that is to Tom's credit.  He's a professional, gifted host and could give Jimmy Fallon and the like a run for their money.

But the best news of all is that I've finished my fourth novel!  It is called Most Highly Favored Daughter and is another "woman in jeopardy" type of romantic suspense. Instead of publishing it immediately, I have entered it for the Tuscany Prize, a competition for Catholic literature.  To whet your appetite, I'm posting the first chapter here and on my website. 

Writing is a bit like giving birth.  When I'm finished writing a novel, I'm all tapped out and don't think I could go through that again.  But already, the pain is fading and the urge to create is growing.  I'm getting the itch to write a short story about Janetta, Anne's friend and roommate from my first novel St. Anne's Day.  Many of you have told me that you wanted to read more about her.  Right now I see her in the opening scene and I see her at the conclusion, which will be very dramatic and beautiful.  Now the task is to just get her from the beginning to that end.  

Anyway, like bad breath in the morning, I'm back and click here to read the first chapter of Most Highly Favored Daughter.  I hope you enjoy it!